


God Rest Ye Merry Office Manager, Let Nothing You Surprise.

by CagedNightingale



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: F/M, Gen, Pat pov, Troubled Blood Spoilers, a day in the office
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28286922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CagedNightingale/pseuds/CagedNightingale
Summary: London, Denmark Street; Monday December the 21st; A Pre-Christmas 'slow' day at Strike's Office.Cross-mediatic work, Un-Britished (sorry in advance, I did my best T_T)
Relationships: Robin Ellacott/Cormoran Strike
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29
Collections: Denmark Street Discord Sekrit Santa 2020





	God Rest Ye Merry Office Manager, Let Nothing You Surprise.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RaeNonnyNonny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeNonnyNonny/gifts).



> Merry Christmas RaeNonnyNonny! 
> 
> I hope you like this little gift, I did my best to incorporate all the prompts you left in the wish list! I loved the idea of incorporating some other media in it, I had the thought of timing my read/speed to the song duration, so you could literally read along the music and live in Pat's mind, but the math for it was too complicated T_T I hope you'll like it anyway! 
> 
> Merry Christmas to all the lovely people on the Discord Server as well, and to any and every Strike fans out there!

Denmark street was more crowded than usual when Patricia “Pat” Chauncey turned on it, she paused; finished her cigarette and flicked it into the usual bin.  
Londoners had started flooding out their homes earlier in the rush of Christmas shopping, and even if with a little difficulty, she managed to wrangle herself; the five big colorful shopping bags she was carrying and her big purse into the tiny entrance of the Strike Detective Agency’s office.  
_At least it’s not raining._ She thought distractedly while stepping up the metal staircase leading to the office. She put the bags down, opened the door and switched on the lights and the heather, it was a grey morning and the office definitely needed the extra artificial light.  
Bringing the shopping bags inside, she put them under the little Christmas Tree her and Robin had decorated the previous Friday, making sure the name tags were clearly visible. **_Robin, Strike, Barclay, Hutchings, Greenstreet._** \- she moved behind her desk and turned the little radio she had bought on, it was already tuned in on Classic FM Christmas, and **it was** to be tuned in on that station until January the 7th, no matter how many times Strike would complain.  
That boss of hers could really be as prickly as a porcupine.  
A Grumpy Porcupine too big for his own good. He was supposed to be out of the office until lunch time at least anyway, so she wasn’t too worried about hearing him complaining about her love for Christmas music anytime soon. _Hark the Herald Angels_ started to play and Pat hummed raucously along it while making tea.  


She stopped for a moment, paying attention to the song. She didn’t like this version… way too slow.  
Scoffing, she grabbed her tea and went to turn on her computer, only to find it was….already turned on?  
Raising an eyebrow, she moved the mouse and the screen came back alive.  
“Oh boy” she muttered, eyes wide while text messages kept popping up on her screen. Now, Pat prided herself to be a professional… _most of the time anyway_ , but her grumpy, prickly, always to himself boss had accidentally left his Whatsapp open on her computer, and she just loved gossip. _He must be still upstairs, connected to the office wifi_ \- she thought, sitting down and holding her mug with both hands; settled on to read the lively conversation Strike was currently having with two of his friends. An amused smile on her lips. This was going to be an interesting morning. [](https://ibb.co/3vxhfKb)  
  
[](https://ibb.co/K542WVJ)  
  
[](https://ibb.co/JrjJvqJ)  
  
She finished her tea, observing the messages pop out and fished her vaping cigarette out of the purse which was laying on the floor. Starting to inhale the vapor she focused on the screen, deep in thoughts.  
_Well, this is definitely new! But not really surprising…_ -she thought, puffing out the vapor - _Robin is a really nice woman. Strike could be surely...well...let’s say Robin could do better. I wonder if…_  
Her eyes wandered on the side of the screen, where the Whatsapp contacts of her boss were neatly stacked ordered by most recent chat. Robin’s was just second.  
_Should she?_  
Pat put her hand on the mouse and slowly moved it, hovering over Robin’s names, and clicked on it, bringing up the chat between her and Strike. Sudden heavy steps from upstairs made her freeze, she iconized the webpage and feigned nonchalance, wondering if Strike had realized his privacy was being violated and if he was rushing downstairs to stop it. Or if he knew he could disconnect the computer from its phone, but nothing happened.  
Silence returned and after a couple of seconds, she felt safe enough to pull up the page again. Robin and Strike conversation had ended on a working note the previous night, and just while she was debating how inappropriate it would be to scroll up to check the rest of it, her boss sent a message to Robin.  


**_That was enough!_ **  
Pat disconnected Strike’s phone and closed the window hastily.  
She did not need to observe anymore.  
_So these two are together, and are keeping it a secret from everybody. It must be something recent as well, it’s not surprising he has a thing for her, the way he looks at her really does give it away, but Robin reciprocating? That is definitely new. I need to keep a closer look over these two._ \- she inhaled so much from her vaping cigarette, she had to stop to change her liquid, from toffee tobacco to gingerbread cookie.  
The radio playing the _12th days of Christmas_ by Pentatonix distracted her from her musing. 

These folks could really sing, even though maybe this song would sound better without all the beats they put in there.  
She moved her eyes to Strike and Robin’s office, getting up from the chair to go open the window to let the little light of the London morning in.  
She looked around, imagining the incredible amount of flirting and sexual tension that must have gone while her two bosses were in there, alone. Pat puffed out vapor again.  
All of this was really exciting for her, almost as much as when thirty years prior, while working for the MET as a personal assistant, she had witnessed the forbidden love story of her manager and the chief inspector.  
_Oh that had been a scadal, a homosexual love story in the MET in the middle of the eighties._  
Hello magazine had published two pages dedicated to the story, and Pat still had her copy.  
But before they were discovered, she had spent months and months, covering for them...even though they never really knew.  
She was a personal assistant, she had her hands on her manager’s schedule and yes, she might have only worked in the PR department of the MET but it had been easy enough for her to ask for every other schedule and see the pattern, adjust them slightly so that they would not be caught, until somebody in the MET had discovered them and sold the story.  
As far as she knew, they got married years later in some foreign country. She had had so much fun meddling with the schedules, having them meet in the most unexpected places. She could do that again, with Strike and Robin and entertained the thought for a moment.  
This office was way too small, Strike hadn’t really warmed up to her yet, and he was really, really smart.  
She was also older now, and knew for experience that witnessing a secret love story, could be even more fun than actually meddling in it.  
Pat grabbed all her paperwork and, keeping the vaping cigarette between her lips, she settled down, stretched her hands and got to work. She had some pre-holidays accounting to do, some receipts to pay back to the subcontractors and a bit of general maintenance to the office that had already waited too long, like declogging the little kitchenette sink before it would be too bad to do anything about it.  
Turning around, she raised the volume of the little radio a bit, and set to do all the paperwork first. Pat really enjoyed working alone in the office, she could focus without being distracted by the investigators’ chattering or clients ‘hospitality', and it would usually allow her to work faster (on appointments days, she had learned it was completely useless to even try to do the paperwork, the coming in and out of the office, having to making tea or coffee all the time made it impossible). She was already halfway through the bills and accounting duties, (and halfway again into her little bottle of vaping liquid) by 12:30 when hurried steps on the metal ladder outside warned her somebody was quickly coming up.  
On the radio the 1984 version of _“Do they know it’s Christmas”_ had just finished playing and the announcer introduced Lindsey Stirling’s version of _Carol of the Bells_  
  
The door opened and Robin came in, she had two shopping bags as well and greeted her with a smile: “Goodmorning Pat!”  
“Good morning, Robin, how are you?”  
“I’m alright, finished surveillance on Ten Hands, and since I was in the city center, bought all the Christmas gifts!”  
Pat turned around and lowered the music, it was a bit too loud and dancey.  
Robin had already started to position her own gifts underneath the tree, “are these yours?” she asked Pat, who hummed, “Yes, brought them in this morning. Spent the weekend shopping, and it was very efficient. What did you do this weekend?” she asked.  
Knowing what she knew, it was a bit of a naughty question, and knowing what she knew, she realized Robin was flushing a little bit.  
“Nothing much” she replied “worked and shopped as well. Is Cormoran still out?” she asked.  
_Ah, these children!_ \- Pat thought trying to avoid as much as she could to roll her eyes and give away the fact that she knew, for a fact Robin was in a relationship with him.  
“He never even came in.” she replied, picking up her vaping pen again, and inhaling more gingerbread cookie flavoured vapor.  
“I see” Robin looked around, as if she was looking for something to do, before flopping on the couch. Pat observed from above the rim of her glass, “Everything alright?”  
“Yes, I have a bit of time before going out for lunch. I’m meeting Vanessa, she told me she would come pick me up”  
“That’s nice of her” Pat smiled and Robin nodded, “yes...she also told me she has a gift for me, which left me a bit…”  
“Surprised?” Pat supplied, and Robin hummed and nodded again, “So I did buy her something, I’m hoping she likes it but I’m a bit nervous about it” “I wouldn’t fret, you’ve always done thoughtful, beautiful and appropriate gifts...especially when compared to the other boss” Robin erupted in a laugh “yes, you’re right...but he’s been trying…”  
_Oh, she defends him...cute.  
_ Pat mumbled something incomprehensible, vaping out, then turned around and raised the volume up a little bit, she liked this song and finally it  
was a Traditional version!  
  
They stayed in silence for the duration of the song, the volume was maybe a bit too loud and none of the women realized the door was opening. Vanessa poked in the office, “Wow, this is proper Christmas spirit!”  
“Hi Vanessa!” Robin got up “me and Pat thought that this year it would be appropriate to have a professional Christmas set up”  
“What about Mr. Cormoran Grinch Strike, is he alright with that?” she laughed.  
“Oh, he doesn’t hate Christmas” Robin replied smiling while putting up her coat, Vanessa raised an eyebrow, “not Christmas per se, maybe...just...happiness?”  
Robin erupted in another laugh and flicked her finger between Pat and her friend “you two should stop making fun of him, you make me laugh and I feel guilty” Pat looked at Vanessa, they both shrugged without a word.  
Robin shook her head a little exasperated “alright, let’s go to lunch, I’m starting to be peckish. Pat, if Strike arrives before I’m back, will you remind him of the office party on the 23rd? I did text him, but he’s so taken with Slinky I doubt he’s even registered it”  
Pat hummed again, “Yes, I will be going to lunch as well soon, though”  
Robin adjusted her scarf and grabbed a little bag from under the tree, “Yes, no problem. Just lock up, I think Strike had lunch with a potential client, so he’ll be coming up late anyway. Okay, ready to go!” she told Vanessa.  
“Perfect, Goodbye Pat! Merry Christmas!” the policewoman greeted.  
“Merry Christmas, Vanessa” Pat replied raucously, but with a smile watching the two friends leave; she spent another fifteen minutes finishing the paperwork, the radio behind her chimed the ‘classical of the hour’ and the speaker announced something really special.   
Pat was surprised, she had not heard that song in years. It was very calming and sweet, she got up and closed the office while it was playing, gathering her jacket, purse and scarf. And as soon as the last note of the song finished, she turned the radio off and headed out, putting a post it on the door that read: “OUR FOR LUNCH, BACK AT 14:00”

* * *

  
She had barely crossed the threshold of the building when a voice called up to her, “Hey pat! Where are ye gang?”  
_Oh great, the Scottish nutter!_ \- she thought amused, lighting a classical cigarette between her lips before turning towards Sam Barclay.  
“Hello Sam!” she greeted back “I’m going for lunch, do you need something from the office?”  
Barclay nodded: “Aye, A wantit tae leave the gifts” he said pointing at the bags he was also carrying, then he seemed to think about something, “Hou aboot A treat ye tae lunch? then A can leave these wi ye an gae back tae surveillance” he smiled “where were ye gaun'ae eat?”  
Pat exhaled and pointed at her left: “The Italian restaurant a little further down, it’s really good and quick”  
“let's gae then!” Sam smiled and together they moved towards the end of Denmark street, towards the restaurant.

* * *

  
“A'v niver been here, is the food guid?” Sam ased while sitting down and thumbing through the menu.  
Pat nodded, “Yes, I always come here, it’s good and fast and the price is fair for the portions you get”  
“A see” he mumbled, then closed the menu and looked at her, “hou's yer day been?”  
“Calm and productive, there was no client and I’ve been alone all day working on paperwork. Did your surveillance go alright?” Pat asked before ordering a mushroom soup with a herbal baguette, Sam ordered gnocchi and when the waiter left, he answered her question: “Guid! A'v got some pretty nice pictures. Lot o kinky stuff tae be this early i the morning, gin ye speir me. But wha am A tae judge?”  
Pat frowned: “Kinky stuff?”  
Sam’s face morphed into a grin and he fished his camera from his coat, turned it on and showed the pictures to Pat.  
She looked at them, on the little screen a...fairly ordinary treasome was taking place. “How’s this kinky?” she asked Sam, giving back the camera. Sam looked at her for a second like she had grown two heads.  
“whit dae ye mean?” he asked, putting the camera back.  
“It’s just a threesome…” Pat shrugged, before thanking the waiter that looked at her with wild eyes.  
Sam’s mouth dropped open: “ane o thaim wis lickin her arse!” he exclaimed, not bothering at all to keep his voice down.  
The waiter had just put his pasta plate down and was sure they were stark mad.  
Pat shrugged, she didn’t even bother to reply but started ripping little pieces of bread into her mushroom soup.  
“Ye dinnae think thon wis kinky?” he pressed on “now A wann know why. Whit did ye dae, i yer life, mrs Pat Chauncey?”  
“Nothing out of the ordinary” she told him, scooping up more soup “but you see stuff like that all the time, don’t you? Not just in your line of business, but also in porn.”  
“Yeah, but thon's different, isnae it? This is real people, she came tae our office, ye made her tea!”  
Pat threw him a chastising look: “Don’t you go around slutshaming the lady now, I’m pretty sure your mother raised you better than that” Sam laughed: “Believe me, A'm slutshamin aw o thaim, the men did it as well. Tae ilka other. It wis gross” he told her before putting a forkful of gnocchi into his mouth.  
Pat laughed: “I thought you were a bit more… open..than that”  
“A am, juist no wi other men...A am no intae thon” Pat raised an eyebrow: “You never know unless you try it” she smirked.  
Sam stopped eating and looked at her: “Did you? I mean with a woman?” Pat face turned smug: “I might have, I might have not. I’m going to keep my love affairs private” she giggled a bit.  
Barclay laughed as well and shook his head: “alricht, keep yer secrets, but dinnae forget we are investigators!”  
“You are welcome to investigate.” she told him.  
They spent some moments eating in silence, before Sam changed subject to something more suitable for a conversation at a restaurant.  
When they were done, Pat grabbed Barclay’s gifts and brought them back to the office. 

* * *

  
Strike was still nowhere to be found, and after having positioned all of Sam’s gifts under the tree together with the others, she turned the Radio on again and having managed to finish all the paperwork in the morning, decided to dedicate her afternoon to the office maintenance and cleaning.  
If they wanted to have an office party, with all the investigators giving each other Christmas presents, maybe it was time to turn some things around in the little office, to make it more comfortable and festive.  
She had just slapped on the yellow rubber gloves that she used to clean the office, when the radio started airing a Bing Crosby song.  
  
Pat felt the sudden urge to swing along to the music.  
It wasn’t one of her favourite songs, but Crosby had a voice that really matched well with Christmas. Swaying around to the music and mumbling the tune in her raucous voice, when she wasn’t busy vaping, she started by trying to unclog the sink of the little kitchenette.  
It was a grueling work, the plunger for some reason just didn’t want to stick to the floor of the sink, but Pat was a tenacious woman, and in the end managed to get the water to flow without any troubles down the drain.  
By the time she was done, Strike opened the door of the office.  
_Of course, he shows up after I’ve done all the hard work._ Pat thought, rolling her eyes.  
“Good afternoon!” Strike called over the loud Christmas radio.  
Pat didn’t even have to look to know he was moving toward the radio to either turn it off or lower the volume.  
The latter turned out to be true.  
“I’m not sure how you manage to endure that music all day long” he muttered, falling down the couch and having it make the usual farting noise. “It’s Christmas” Pat replied dryly.  
“I know, it’s Christmas...I don’t need a constant reminder of it all day long”  
“It’s Christmas” she reiterated, then added “Do you remember we are doing the gift exchange the day after tomorrow, right?” she asked.  
Strike frowned: “The what?” he asked, turning around towards the tree.  
“SHIT” he exclaimed “are these all gifts for us? Already?”  
“You forgot, didn’t you?” she told him exhaling.  
“Do we really have to do this? Can’t we just call it off?” Strike said “I am terrible at buying gifts and honestly I just…”  
He didn’t even wait for a reply from Pat, but fished his phone from his pocket and after a couple of seconds fumbling with it, brought it to his ear. “Shanker?” Pat heard him call “I’m going to need a hand later tonight, are you free?” A moment of silence, then Strike talked again, “Christmas gifts” Pat turned towards him, completely skeptical: _had her boss just called his infamous criminal friend to help him with Christmas shopping? Oh boy… - That man was really a mess, wasn’t it?_  
“Thank you. Bye” Strike closed the phone, and noticed Pat was looking at him, “what?” he asked.  
“Nothing, believe it or not, I’ve witnessed worse decision being made, than buying gifts with a felon” she told him, vaping cigarette between her lips slurring her words a bit  
“Shanker is not a felon” he defended “he’s a friend...who...walks the line between legal and illegal...a lot”  
Pat shrugged exhaling again: “Whatever, just be careful with Robin’s gift. Alright?” she told him and hid her smile at his expression.  
“Why…” he started but didn’t finish his sentence, suddenly suspicious.  
“Because she’s your partner, and she deserves a nice gift” Pat provided immediately, witnessing in live time his brain relax about the reason why, out of all the people, she was worried about his care about Robin’s gift.  
“What are you doing anyway?” he asked, pointing at her gloves “I unclogged the sink, and I’m about to clean the office a bit. All the paperwork is done, and I’ve got the reimbursement envelopes ready in the safe.”  
Strike hummed something but he had no time to reply, because the office door opened and Robin came in.  
Pat turned towards them with a smile: _Showtime_ ; she thought noticing immediately how Strike was not slouching anymore on the couch.  
_Aw, these babies…_ she smiled inwardly while both her bosses started to chat about their day and their clients.  
Even though she had her back to them and even though she had no idea about the details of the conversation, it was clear that their tone was sweeter than usual.  
_Were they so sugary last Friday?_ She stopped drying the cupboard of the little kitchen thinking back, still vaping, the vapor was starting to degrade. _Had she gone through another liquid refill?_ She was definitely not a detective but she would have noticed, zoning out of the words, they were sounding like two teenagers in love.  
_Flirting shamelessly over cheating clients_ \- she scoffed in her mind - this was going to be extremely amusing.  
Pat put the drying towel back on its little hook and moved around the desk, to start dusting it.  
For Robin and Strike it was like they had just realized she was there as well. _Oh please, get a grip!!_ She looked at them, trying to avoid both their own eyes and hers. And she felt suddenly back at the MET, with a lovesick puppy boss, making heart eyes at the chief.  
Who was she kidding? She was a sucker for romances. She rolled her eyes and put both her hands on her hips: “Listen do you have to stay here?” she asked them both: “I want to clean your office and this front office as well. Maybe you could go to a pub to talk about work stuff? Or maybe upstairs if it’s confidential?”  
The spark in both their eyes at her words made it really hard for her not to giggle.  
_Ah to be young and in love!_  
“That is actually a good idea..” Robin said looking at Strike who nodded and started to get up, even though Robin, _bless her_ , had guilt nipping at her ankles “are you sure you don’t need a hand, Pat?”.  
Strike turned to her like she had just betrayed him in the worst possible way.  
Keeping the laughter in, this time was impossible.  
“Go take care of the business, Robin” she told her “I work faster alone and I’ve been cleaning houses professionally for three years when I was barely of age. Shoo!” she waved her hands in their general direction.  
They left the office and Pat pretended not to hear their steps climbing up the stairs. She laughed and started dusting the office, 10 minutes into her endeavour, the rhythmic, unmistakable hitting sound of a bed against a wall coming from upstairs stopped her dead in her tracks.  
“Are these two for real?” she murmured, shaking her head and moving to turn the radio on.   
She knew that doing so, completely ruined the secrecy, but she had no intention to witness her two bosses shagging, even if only in sound and she figured that at that point it was clear to everybody involved that she knew.  
They were literally banging the bed against the wall upstairs.  
Pat turned the volume dial up a little bit. She wasn’t sure if Strike and Robin appreciated making love to Robbie Williams’s cover of _Let it snow_ , but honestly she couldn’t care less.  
Actually, it’s really good riddance for Strike, that should teach him to diss on Christmas music and being a general Grinch about Christmas.  
Giggling mischievously she proceeded to continue her cleaning, the cheerful music providing the perfect companion to the seasonal cleaning and sprucing of the place.  
She was almost done, when at 16:45, Robin popped her head in the office greeting Pat and squirreling away for some “last minute extra Christmas shopping”  
While a couple of seconds later, Strike came in and plopped on the couch again, this time not bothering to turn the radio off.  
Pat, who was finishing drying the window, stopped for a moment and moved to turn it off before resuming her last task.  
She only had these windows to finish, and then she could call it a day.  
There were a couple of minutes of silence, while she recharged her vaping liquid to mint sugar cage - before Strike talked.  
“You knew” he said simply looking at her.  
Pat smiled: “You weren’t exactly discreet, just now” she replied “but I’m happy for you”  
Strike smirked: “No, I meant before that...that’s why you suggest we left the office, I fucked up with your computer, right?”  
Pat nodded: “You left your Whatsapp opened, and my computer on” Strike exhaled and Pat knew where this conversation was about to go, so she preceded him.  
“I am not going to gossip about you if it’s a secret. I have been discreet with office love affairs before. But you should really try to control your lovey-dovey eyes and voice around her...or avoid the office completely if you want to keep it a secret”  
Strike giggled, it was a rare sight with her. _Extremely rare._  
“We don’t want to keep it a secret...for long at least. How about we tell the others on Wednesday? During the gift exchange?”  
“Why are you asking me? You should ask Robin” she told him dismissively vaping out the smoke.  
“Right”  
Pat gathered all the cleaning supplies and put them back, “I am done for today, please keep the office clean. I’ll see you tomorrow. There’s 5 appointments throughout the day, wear something smart and maybe shower.” she told him, raising an eyebrow.  
Strike looked at her incredulously, but she just grabbed her purse, wrapped the scarf around her neck and waved a hand at him, closing the door behind her.

* * *

  
Pat Chauncey had had a lot of working experience in her life. She had been a professional cleaning lady; a feet model; a rental girlfriend; a personal assistant for the MET; a clerk at the General Register Office and finally switched to accounting/office managing for a lot of little businesses around London, before ending up at Strike’s Private Investigation office.  
Still, Pat had enough experience to know that that little office in Denmark Street was something truly special, with its grumpy, veteran owner and his beautiful, brilliant partner. Puffing out the smoke of her real cigarette, she smiled between herself. She was going to enjoy working there until her next adventure.  
She was sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's it!  
> I loved writing Pat as the un-surprisable (not a word, I know!) force of the office, with some quirks like a very interesting past between her personal affairs and work history and a love for all things Christmassy; but still presented in a un-fazable way! (also probably not a word)  
>  I hope you enjoyed it as well! 
> 
> I used a fake-whatsapp generator for the chats, I had considered of using a real whatsapp web screenshot edited in photoshop, but it would have been way too big and less suitable for this website, so please forgive that incongruency.
> 
> MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN! <3


End file.
